Quotes & Stories

Here we share some quotes and stories of great game play (or not so great game play):

“Drove 99 instead of 5 on the drive south for t-day this year and was mindlessly seeking through the radio channels. I’m still not 100% certain, but in my heart, I know I recognized the vile noise even drenched in static. I’m out.”

“The tyranny of LDB is that even 16 parts per million is enough kill you.”

“Well, it’s been a few days since it happened. I still don’t know where to start, really? I guess you could trace it all back to 2003 when I met this fine ass American lady in Budapest. Who’d have thought 14 years later we’d be mini-van driving happy parents of two. It was my fault. She didn’t want to be a min-van driver. I was ready to happily succumb to driving toddlers around and a whole crap-load of shit in a respectable sports edition Toyota Sienna. I mean the doors open by clicking a button. And that edition has better suspension and power steering to make it seem less like a mini-van. I was sold, and yeah I bought it. A 2013 varietal. You’d think they had figured out blue tooth settings by then. But little did I know they modeled that shit after a simon says game. You have to click at least 10 buttons, hold shit down, count to five, curse your grandma, cross your fingers and then wa-la, your phone might connect to the sound system. So yeah, I almost never do that shit. It is too bad, really. I have Prime music now. So yes, I listen to the radio when driving the van. The radio? It’s that thing you used to listen to in the early 90s and then record your favorite songs on a cassette tape.

So anyway, last Saturday I found myself in the Central Valley (visiting family for the holiday). I grew up in the Valley, and actually enjoy driving around the back roads. It’s perfect for country music listening, road sodas, and making out with your lady. So, I was planning my way back to civilization from Davis, and Google maps lined up a sweet drive through the backcountry to avoid the traffic on I-80. I was stoked. Just had some coffee. My fine ass wife had the kids and the dog in the other car (a long story). So I was like, let’s pump the fucking jams. I put my seat back a bit, and hit the gas. After a few moments I hit the “Scan” button on the radio. For some reason, I wasn’t thinking of the peril I had put myself into. But yeah, about 3 stations into the scan I hit 103.9. And boom, there it was assaulting my ear holes with the worst version of LDB I have ever heard. It was by “Mercy Me,” whose musical license should be revoked immediately. Really horrifying version. I listened to the whole thing to drown in that shit. Jesus Christ is all I can say.

Having listened to it, I realized that I was extremely unlucky. The song was so terrible I likely wouldn’t have recognized it during that 3-5 second scan if it hadn’t lined up exactly on that famously dreadful part of the song. I would have scanned right past just another shitty pop song. I also learned 103.9 has “The Valley’s best holiday music,” so be warned if you are passing through the Valley during the holiday season. During the rest of the drive I head LDB two additional times (on two different stations while scanning again), in a 1.5 hour drive. It was like getting kicked in the balls over and over. So lessons galore. Don’t buy a 2013 mini-van, watch out for hot American ladies in Budapest, and don’t scan the fucking radio during November or December. Out.”